When Sorry Isn't Enough
by MebEm
Summary: Emily's back and the team is slowly dealing with her resurrections and necessary lies, but when she encounters someone from her past she finds that the pain she caused runs deeper than she ever thought.
1. Chapter 1

_So, I'm new to this writing part. I've read many amazing stories and there are so many talented authors on here! I'm taking a shot and posting something that has been bouncing around in my head for a while. It won't be long and not a typical CM story. It's a glimpse at what maybe could happen in Emily's life outside the walls of the BAU. It takes place early season 7. As a warning I'm taking bit of artistic license as far as romantic partners. Th__ank you for stopping by!_

* * *

The vibrant colors and scents of the crisp spring day filtered around the small shopping square. Emily took it in as she sat in a bench that faced the few shops and restaurants. The businesses surrounded a large marble fountain that stood as its proud centerpiece. The upward stream gently fell back onto itself and tumbled down to the reflecting pool below. A small mist was raised by the soft breeze and kissed the cheeks of the passing patrons. No one noticed the calming beauty of the running water or that the backdrop that lined the concrete center was a brilliant array of pale pink pedals of the blossoming cherry trees. Emily noticed. She made it a point to notice. She was determined not to take the beauty of life that shown brightly around her for granted. She had spent almost a year of her life in darkness, and had to use all the energy she had left to claw her way back towards the light.

She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. She listened to the gently splash of the water and let the focus of the repetitive and soothing sound clear her mind. As she meditated an almost silent gasp caught her attention. She slowly opened her eyes curious to what may have caused the sound. Emily felt her heart skip a beat when her eyes focused on the woman who had stopped in front of her. A slow panic began to rise in her as the woman took unsure steps towards her. Her mouth went dry and she felt every muscle in her twitch to flee, but she was frozen in her spot. Glued to the bench with no-where to hide.

"Em?" She gasped again and her hand went over her mouth in shock.

"Emily?" She said again, the name forced out past her fingers as if it hadn't been uttered from her mouth in years.

Emily didn't say a word; she couldn't. She wanted so desperately to pretend that it wasn't happening. That she now had to face another consequence of her rogue actions. She wanted to tell her no, and that she was mistaken, but that was impossible.

The tall blonde trembled slightly. She had stopped moving but continued to stand with one hand over her mouth. The other clutched her bag so tightly her knuckles had turned white. Emily knew the look on her face, she watched so many of the people she loved hold it. It ran the gammat from shock, pain, sadness and settled on confused anger. Emily had tried to prepare herself for it when she remerged, but realized quickly that she really would never be ready, or know how to truly handle it. She had tried to keep the focus on the task at hand but it was everything in her not to want to run and avoid facing the chasm of pain that the entire ordeal had caused.

Finally finding her strength Emily rose to meet her eye to eye.

"Kate, I-" But she stopped. No amount of _I'm sorry_ or _please forgive me_ would even touch the wounds she had caused. She knew because they were still fresh and gaping with the team. She was satisfied with the baby steps of progress she had made with them, but being caught up in that world she had not actually thought about the other people she had bypassed and left behind to protect them, save a child's life and somehow her own.

Tears began to form in the blonde's eyes and she shook her head in a mixture of anger and pain. "You're dead."

"No." Emily whispered.

"Yes." She breathed and began to stumbled over the words she so desperately wanted to get out. "Your funeral. I-' She stopped and took a breath and looked away. "Your grave."

Emily felt the knot that had tightened in her throat suddenly drop like a rock and land heavily in her stomach. The true realization of the debris and wreckage she left behind sent waves of guilt rippling through her. She had gone to her funeral? How had she known and how many times had she visited her grave?

"Kate." She tried again. This time she cleared her throat to give more strength in her voice. "I have no words that I could say or actions I could do that will ever make up for any pain I've caused."

Kate swallowed a sob and wiped her eyes. "I'm so confused. Why? How?"

The entire nightmare that Ian Doyle created tumbled through her mind. She had no decent spot to begin and realized the surroundings they stood in was no place to have such a conversation. She could only shake her head, unsure what the right thing to do was.

Kate took a step back. "I have to go."

Emily moved tentatively forward to keep her in front of her a moment longer. "I understand your confusion and anger and I'm sorry. Please give me chance to try and explain."

Kate paused and stared at Emily. Her green eyes were rich with emotions and swirling with questions.

"I can't. Not today."

"Okay." Emily said in understanding.

Kate spun but then froze unable to fully separate. Her whole body straightened and she turned sharply.

"I don't know if I want to slap you or kiss you." She blurted out.

Emily couldn't help but smile. "I deserve it, but would prefer the latter."

The blonde smiled slightly and her head dipped in amusement. But, the humor drained from her eyes as quickly as they had flooded them. The pain was too deep, and Emily stood patiently for her to make the next move.

"You know where I live." She finally said.

Emily nodded but unsure of what that fully meant. It wasn't like they would exchange numbers and happily set up a dinner date. It was an awkward situation, one she was not prepared to have.

"Friday." She said and turned before she could change her mind.

Emily could only watch her escape. She had never wanted a case to pull them away more than she had right then; to stall and postpone the inevitable.

"Who was that?" A curious voice behind her stopped her again. Emily turned to see JJ standing holding a few shopping bags but looking at the retreating blonde. Emily had forgotten the reason they were there was for JJ to get a few things for Henry. She opted to enjoy the weather and not fight the lunch crowd attempting to get errands done before their break ended.

She regretted it now as suddenly all of her worlds were colliding and felt like it was almost too much to handle.

"An old acquaintance." Emily said and tried to shrug it off but couldn't hide the emotion in her voice.

JJ raised a brow in her disbelief. "Are you okay, that seemed to be quite an intense conversation?"

"For who?"

"Both of you, but she seems more upset." JJ said and nodded her head behind Emily. Emily turned and saw the wracks of sobs that over took Kate's body. The pure guilt was back. Whatever time and distance had healed she had just ripped away in seconds. Emily couldn't make eye contact with JJ and began to move away.

"We should get back."

"Right." JJ said, the millions of questions she had read clearly as she uttered the single word.

If there was anyone she knew she could confide in it was JJ. She saw more and knew more of who she was than anyone else, but at that moment she wasn't ready. She wasn't sure if she ever would be or even wanted to be.

The afternoon light became darker as a single cloud drifted in front of the sun, bringing the temperature down slightly. Emily looked up to the culprit.

_What perfect timing, s_he thought. The darkness always would linger and make itself known to remind her of the repercussions of her actions.

Without a word Emily picked up her pace and got into the car before JJ could say anything else. She knew there was no hiding from the confined space of the car as they made their way back to the BAU.

JJ got in and remained respectful to Emily's change of demeanor but her facial expression was one of puzzlement. After she started the car she paused from putting it into gear and stared out the window deep in thought. Then like she was smacked across the face at a realization, she turned quickly to the brunette.

"I knew she looked familiar."

Emily felt a cold rush of fear run over her. "What?"

"Seeing and feeling someone's pain isn't hard to forget."

"JJ, what are you talking about?"

JJ cleared her throat and adjusted her position to speak. "Your funeral." She paused for Emily to prepare herself. It was a subject they both agreed to not speak of directly, and Emily felt her hesitation, but also her need to speak about it. "I remember looking out to the crowd of people and although she hung along the edge, I don't think I'd ever forget the anguish on her face."

Emily looked away, the words and images pierced her like knives. She wanted to sink and be swallowed by the leather chair she sat in. There was no hiding. She couldn't get words past her tightened throat. She looked up to keep her friend from seeing the tears that began to prick her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Em. I shouldn't-" JJ said reaching out to give comfort.

Emily didn't pull away but stopped the conversation as quickly as she could. "Can we go?"

"Yes." The blonde answered and slowly pulled out of the parking spot. It was a mute subject for now, but Emily knew JJ wouldn't allow it to sit for long.

As they drove in their strained silence Emily once again felt the overwhelming need to run, but had learned the hard way that running only made the collision that much more painful.

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_So there it is. Some of it anyway. Thank you for reading!_


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm so happy that there is interest for the story. The encouraging words mean a lot! I hope you enjoy this chapter. It turned out a lot longer than I had originally planned, but I felt a need for a little case to take it all up a notch. Enjoy! _

_Oh, and italics are flashbacks._

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_Emily moved away from the crowd and leaned against the wall of the dancehall. She opted to sit out the current dance to catch her breath and let her burning muscles rest for a moment. She watched the others in awe as they used their bodies to energetically move to the Latin music. Her eyes however stayed on one couple as they moved in synch with the music. Their sharp movements, spins and crisp turns created a beautiful artistic expression. She couldn't seem to look away from the beautiful blonde and took in her intensity and passion. Emily found herself amused when her broad smile would turn serious as her partner and the fast paced music dictated her movements. Their inspiring moves had taken over the dance floor. All the other dancers had stopped their attempt to enjoy the show that the two were putting on. When the song came to an end the room erupted into applause. Suddenly shy of the spotlight the blonde thanked the crowd and her partner for the dance and slipped away. She looked frantically around the room and when her eyes locked with Emily's she headed straight towards the brunette._

"_That was amazing." Emily said as she extended a water to the blonde._

"_I love the dance." She responded breathlessly then took a deep swallow of the cool liquid. _

"_You're not the only one." Emily smiled and nodded towards the young man who hadn't taken his eyes from her even after she moved away._

_The blonde turned to look and laughed. "Maybe I led him on a little bit?"_

"_Maybe a little." Emily said with a wink._

"_Well then." She said setting her water on the chair next to Emily. "Let's show them just how sensual this dance can really be."_

_Before she could react Kate had a grip on her hand and was pulling Emily onto the dance floor._

The mischievous sparkle in Kate's eye and the wide radiant smile was the last image Emily could render in her mind before it all went black. It was a memory she clung to and forced to the front of her mind when the darkness and loneliness of her self-made isolation felt strong enough to pull her under and win. That night was the last of any true feelings of happiness before Doyle made her nightmares real. She should have known better than to think that it could last, and that in an instant her life would be flipped and forever altered. Emily felt her world no longer hold happiness, and so much of her felt she didn't deserve it.

In the thick of it all Kate's calls and texts became a nuisance. Cutting all ties was the only thing she could do. She would have only endangered her, and feared she already had. When she finally came back it was a battle to not contact her or simply see how she was doing. It wouldn't be fair to Kate; it would have been for her own selfish reasons. She had a feeling that an encounter would inevitably happen, but as time went on it was pushed to the back of her mind.

Now the brief afternoon run in was enough to shatter any strength Emily had that what she did to do was right. The reach of who was affected stretched further than she really could fully wrap her head around, and that in itself was almost more than she could handle. Her stomach turned as she sat at her desk and pretended to care about anything relating to her job. She glanced at her watch and sighed. Twenty more minutes and she could escape the quiet profiling eyes that surrounded her. She wished she could say her apartment was a sanctuary, but there was no-where really she could escape from the shadows of her life. And there was no hiding today.

* * *

JJ tried to focus on the report she was suppose to finish but her eyes kept drifting to Emily. The brunette sat hunched at her desk with her head down busily working. Or pretending to work. She had closed herself off to anyone attempting to approach her with anything other than BAU related questions or conversation.

JJ quickly spun her head back to face her computer when she saw Emily suddenly rise. She stared at the blinking curser on her screen and forced herself not to look as Emily strode past. JJ followed her hurried movement with her eyes and when she had fully disappeared from view she swiveled her chair to see the direction Emily had headed. She contemplated following her, but the car ride back was a clear indication of her wanting the subject dropped. JJ couldn't help but be concerned. Whatever happened in that shopping square had Emily rattled.

There was only a few times JJ had seen her so effected by someone and the most recent was when Reid reacted so strongly to being lied to. She knew her compartmentalization skills were working overtime. There was no predicting how anyone was going to react to her, the situation or their own feelings about it. Emily dealt it the way she knew how; by redirection and doing everything she could to help that person through their pain. JJ knew Emily's pain was right on the surface, but refused for anyone to see it. Now it was seeping past the cracks, and JJ worried how she was dealing with it, or even if she could.

JJ wracked her memory to put a story to the woman in the square, but her only knowledge she had was seeing her at Emily's funeral. She had been there alone and JJ lost sight of her almost as fast as she had seen her.

There was a whole other level to Emily's life that she kept separate from the BAU. They all did. They had to in order to keep a part of themselves private, but it was only a matter of time before it was exposed for all to see. They all worked too closely for there not to be overlap and for their deepest layers to be revealed.

JJ made the decision whether Emily wanted it or not she was going to go see if her friend was okay. She pushed her chair back, but before she could stand all of the phones began to ring at once. She looked up when she saw Hotch move quickly out of his office and onto the catwalk.

"We have an eight year old abduction just outside Baltimore. We're lead. We'll brief on the way, let's go." He said and disappeared into his office again before reemerging with Rossi and the two bounded their way down the stairs.

JJ looked back to the glass doors hoping Emily would push through, but she was still gone.

"Where's Emily?" Spencer asked as he drew up next to her, his go-bag in hand and his eyes searching around the Bullpen.

"I'll go get her." JJ said quickly while she pulled her bag out and set it on top of her desk. It would give her an excuse to check on her well being without being as obtrusive.

JJ walked to the restroom and slowly opened the door. When she entered her eyes came to rest on Emily. She was standing over a sink staring blankly at the water running over her hands.

"Em?" She called out softly.

Emily's head jerked up in start and she quickly turned the faucet off before she turned her back to get a towel and to hide.

"Yeah?" She asked releasing a sigh behind the word.

"You okay?"

"Fine, what's up?" She asked turning back to the blonde and hastily scrubbed her hands with the coarse towel.

"Child Abduction." JJ said slowly watching her movements closely. Then gestured behind her. "We're on the clock."

"Right." Emily nodded and threw the towel in the trash and moved around her to leave.

JJ watched her step past but didn't move at first. She had shielded her face but couldn't hide her red-rimmed eyes. _Had she been crying?_ The single thought scared JJ and more questions formed in her head. Emily was strong and it took quite a bit to shake her, but this really had. And now with this time sensitive case there would be no time to crack into what was really going on. Her walls would raise more, her compartments on lockdown. The professional agent would be all anyone saw. JJ would have to make sure she'd take time after the case to broach the subject.

"You coming?" Emily asked with an air of impatience.

She tried to smile and took steps to the brunette holding the door open. "Right behind you."

* * *

The team emerged into the late afternoon. Though clouds threatened to overtake the sky the sun penetrated through. Emily was thankful to have to wear sunglasses to hide any indication that she had been upset. The only person that really knew was JJ and in an effort to avoid any questions Emily tried to get into the SUV with Morgan and Reid but Hotch called out before she could.

"Prentiss, you're with us."

Emily swallowed her protest and nodded before she moved to the back seat of the other car.

She was grateful for the fast pace of the case. Her mind would be distracted and there would be no time for anyone to try and delve into her recent behavior.

Emily looked at the file as the team reviewed any information they knew.

Aaron spoke as he drove leading the small caravan of FBI Agents.

"Julie Henderson was walking home with her older brother, Nathaniel. A woman approached him concerned for her missing dog. When he turned back to ask his sister if she knew anything she was gone."

"Is the woman involved? A ploy to separated and isolate Julie?" JJ asked.

"That's the way it looks. Nathaniel spent almost an hour looking for her before calling his mother."

"He was afraid of getting in trouble." Emily offered.

Aaron nodded. "Where headed to his house, I want Prentiss and JJ to speak to Nathaniel. Reid, Rossi and Morgan go get set up at the station."

"If Nathaniel waited an hour to call his mother then our window just got tighter." Dave commented.

No one could respond, it was all too clear how these cases ended, but it wasn't over yet and they had to dig in and find her before it could be add to the statistics.

* * *

The dark clouds that had been hanging in the background rapidly enveloped the sky and half way through the drive opened up and delivered a downpour. They pulled up to the modest home two hours later than they had wanted. The weather and rush hour traffic held them back, which only made the situation worse. The agents jumped out of the SUV and sprinted through the heavy sheets of rain to the front door. Under the cover of the porch JJ rang the doorbell.

A disheveled almost shell of a woman answered. Her button up work shirt half untucked and her hair looked as if it had been hastily pulled back into a ponytail. Strands stood out in all directions from her continually running of an anxious hand over it.

"You the FBI?" She asked wearily.

Hotch nodded. "Yes ma'am, may we come in?"

She moved slowly to the side to allow them access.

"May we ask your son a few questions about what happened?" Aaron asked taking a quick glance around.

She nodded and let out a heavy sigh as she led them to their small family room. Nathaniel sat on a loveseat with his knees pulled up tight to his chest. His face was red and eyes were puffy from crying.

Emily stepped forward and knelt down near him.

"Hi Nathaniel, I'm Emily and this is Jennifer. Can we ask you some questions?"

He looked at both women and nodded slightly but remained in a tight ball.

JJ took a seat across from him and Emily remained on the floor and at his eye level.

"Okay, I want you to close your eyes and think back to the last time you and your sister were together. Think about everything that was around."

He nodded again and closed his eyes.

"Good, now tell me where you are."

"Walking down the sidewalk."

"What's the weather like?"

"It's kinda cold, the sun is out but there are dark scary clouds in the sky."

"Who's around?"

"Lot's of kids and parents, but then it's only us."

"Why?"

"Because we turn down the street and they all keep walking straight."

"Okay." Emily encouraged. "What do you see now?"

"A lady running towards us. She has a leash and looks like she was crying."

"What does she look like?"

"She's old but not super old, but grown up old."

"Like me, or your mom?"

"No, like my cousin."

"Who?" His mom asked interrupting.

"Like Nikki." He said looking over to his mom.

Emily followed his eyes and looked to his mom for more of a description.

"She's early twenties."

"Okay, what else do you remember?"

"She said she was looking for her dog."

"Had you ever seen her before?"

"I don't think so, maybe, I don't know." He said dropping his head in confusion.

Emily reached across and squeezed his hand. "It's okay, you're doing great."

He looked up at her and so much hope filled his eyes. "Really, what I tell you can bring Julie back?"

"Anything details you give will help us get one step closer to that." She reassured him.

"Was she someone you might have seen walking along the same way you and your sister walk home from school?"

"I don't know. There are always a lot of kids and parents; we live right around the corner from the school. It's my fault. I was mad at her for whining about me not giving her some of my candy. I was walking a little bit ahead of her. After I talked to the lady I turned around and she was gone."

"It's not your fault." Emily said and tentatively reached out again and gave his hand another gentle squeeze.

"Were there any cars around?" JJ asked as she jotted down notes in a small spiral notebook.

"Yes." He said excitedly. "A blue car passed me."

"Did you see who was driving?"

"Just a man, but the lady grabbed my arm to get my attention again. Then she said never mind and ran off."

Emily smiled at him and patted his knee. "You did great. An artist is going to come in and draw what the lady looked like, okay?"

"Okay."

Emily stood and tried to smile softly and reassuring to his mother. She didn't return it and sat down next to Nathaniel. Her eyes were blank with the shock she was still feeling. Emily moved out of the room to give them space and concentrate on the sketch. She heard the end of the call JJ was on with Penelope about the new information.

"We have a possible car to add to the Amber Alert, and a description of the woman that spoke to Nathaniel." Emily said to Aaron as he approached the two women.

"Good."

"Where's the clock at?" Emily asked looking out the pane window to the stormy night.

"We're hitting the eighth hour mark."

Emily didn't want to imagine what the poor girl was suffering through. They needed a break and fast, but everything felt like it was moving at an excruciatingly slow pace. Just as she thought that the sketch artist emerged with his rendering. They immediately sent it to Penelope for her to search the database for a possible hit.

They continued to work and the time kept passing. They went over whom the UnSub could be. From a family member, to family friends, teachers, anyone Julie may have come in contact with. They hit dead ends with recent abductions using the same ploy. The trail was becoming colder when Emily's phone beeped.

"I have Garcia." Emily said putting her phone out for the others to hear.

"My lovelies I have a match to our evil doggie lady."

"Yeah?" JJ encouraged.

"Tami Parris, 24. She's from Alexandria, Virginia and last known address is in Baltimore. She has quite the wrap, though her upbringing probably didn't help. She was put in the foster system after her father was arrested for child abuse. Ranging from neglect to sexual."

"Where is he?"

"He was released fifteen days ago from a ten year sentence."

"His name?"

"Kevin Parris, I'm sending you his current address and parole officer's info. Oh and a small twisted twist, Tami visited him almost every month in prison after she turned eighteen."

It wasn't shocking news but just added more depth to the situation.

"JJ, show the picture of Tami to Nathaniel."

The blonde nodded to Aaron and went back into the family room where Julie's mother and brother huddled together. They help each other tight for any last string of hope and support they could latch onto.

Aaron directed his attention back to the Analyst on the other side of Emily's phone. "Garcia, I want their pictures everywhere."

"Already done, Sir."

Emily turned to Hotch after briefly watching JJ leave the room. "What're you thinking?"

"He gets out of prison and recruits his daughter to feed his need that's been neglected for ten years."

She shook her head, but perked up when JJ walked back in.

"He confirms that Tami was the woman that approached him."

"We need to head to his most current residence. I doubt he's there but it's where we need to start."

"We've got something." Derek said as he burst through the front door with Reid and Rossi tailing close behind.

"Two fisherman headed home from Great Falls National Park found a woman along the highway bleeding from a gun shot wound. They got her to the hospital. She's barely holding on, but told them everything. From the kidnapping to where the cabin is that Julie's being held."

Aaron pulled out his phone to make the call to Garcia. Once he got a positive confirmation that the woman was Tami Parris he didn't hesitate.

"Let's go."

Seeing and hearing the conversation Julie's mother came rushing up to the agents that were preparing to leave. "Did you hear something? Have they found my Julie?"

JJ gently touched the woman's arm and spoke softly to keep her calm and hope realistic. "Not yet, but we're getting closer."

* * *

No one spoke and the tension in the cab was thick as the team made their way through the darkness and pelting rain. It seemed like hours had passed before the GPS finally beeped indicating what turn they needed to take off the highway and onto the dirt trail towards the cabin.

As they neared their destination the rain had reduced to a light mist. The SUV's bounced and jerked as it moved throught the uneven dirt road. Once they had come to a complete stop so had the rain. Though the trees shaded them they could see that the clouds had begun to part and the sky lightened as the sun began to rise.

Once parked the agents emerged and congregated at the tailgate of the SUV Hotch stood behind. He pulled up a map on the tablet and pointed to a blue pulsing dot indicating their location.

"We're less than a quarter of a mile out. We're going to split up. Morgan, Prentiss there's a trail that leads around to flank the cabin. JJ and Reid take the two opposite sides. Dave and I will take the front. We go in quiet, no one moves until my say so."

"We just wait?" Emily asked in a flash of irritation.

"If he spooks he may kill her." Hotch answered plainly.

Emily remained quiet but was clearly annoyed at the orders. With how small of a window they had on abductions waiting just never seemed to be the right move.

She didn't protest and nudged Morgan to get moving.

The new dawn continued to pierce through the trees and sparkles on the fresh raindrops on pedals and leaves. The morning sun warmed the rain soaked forest and created a light mist that filtered through the early light. The trail was barely noticeable and the mud was thick and sticky as the two agents trudged through. Emily looked to her GPS and stopped. Derek glanced at her and followed her movements as she looked up. She pointed up the slope and without a word began to climb it. The rain had made less than ideal conditions. The two forced their way to the top using branches and roots for hand holds and foot holds. With only a few slips and near falls they made it to the top and hugged the tree line to catch their breath. Just a few meters from them was the small cabin; shadowed and almost camouflaged by the shroud of trees that surrounded it. There was no movement or lights coming from the wooden structure. Emily glanced to Derek who acknowledged her then crouched down and spoke quietly into his COM reporting their location and what they were observing.

Hotch's voice came back through. "Hold your positions."

"He's not expecting us." Emily said under her breath.

"We have to be cautious."

"I wouldn't doubt that the only thing going on in there right now is sleep."

"You may be right but we wait for the order."

Emily sighed. The anxiety to move and possibly save the little girl was building up more as the seconds ticked past.

Emily could feel Derek's stares but kept her focus on the man made wooden structure in front of them.

"Prentiss, what's going on?'

"Just waiting for orders to take this son-of-a-bitch down."

"No, I mean with you-"

"Really, Morgan." She said cutting him off. "Right now?"

Emily felt her blood begin to boil. She knew she had been too obvious with showing her emotional response to the encounter with Kate earlier, but she had to stop him before he could continue. She knew what he was driving at. Any change in her and they jumped at it, she almost felt they were over profiling her now.

He was about to press further when a sudden crash erupted from behind the walls of the cabin. The back door flung open and a man came barreling through. He was clutching Julie's wrist dragging her along. Emily didn't hesitate and moved from their cover. With her gun trained squarely on the middle-aged man she announced herself.

"FBI, don't move!"

He froze from the start of her presence but then pulled the girl tight to him. Emily slowly stepped forward preparing for a hostage situation, but in a quick decision he pushed her violently to the ground and darted towards the heavy cover of trees.

"I've got him." Emily said as she took a leaping step forward.

"Prentiss, wait!" Derek called from behind. He stepped off to follow but the wet ground gave way under him and he slipped backwards. He scrambled to regain his footing but his weight and the slick mud sent him back down the side. The panic of losing sight of his partner sent adrenaline pulsing through his veins. He grabbed at anything protruding from the ground. Clinging to a root he pulled his weight forward and up. In a pulse of strength he cleared the ridge and was back to his original position. Movement from around the side of the cabin caught his attention as the rest of the team emerged. JJ and Rossi grabbed the little girl and began to move her to safety as Hotch and Reid moved quickly towards the direction he assumed Emily had disappeared to. Once he found his legs he took off full sprint towards the dense foliage. He hoped that the bad feeling that had been gnawing in his gut since the beginning of the case wasn't about to reveal itself and prove all of his concerns right. He wanted to trust Emily; he wanted to trust himself. She once again disappeared into darkness and he wasn't sure what he'd find on the other end.

* * *

Emily ran all out, her focus was on the man darting and weaving through the trees. She agilely sidestepped roots, leapt over bushes and ducked under branches. His fatigue began to show, as the distance between the two of them grew tighter. She once again announced herself and told him to stop. He took a quick glance back but kept moving. So did she. She was within feet of him when he suddenly stopped and threw his hands out as if to catch his balance. Emily tried to pull up when she saw the reason for his sudden halt, but her momentum took her forward. Their bodies collided and there was no stopping the fall to the river below. Their weight and gravity sent them hurdling over the ledge and straight downward. They tumbled and crashed over one another. Roots and rocks pounded against their bodies. Within seconds they splashed into the moving water. The water was nearly ice, and Emily's lungs and heart protested against the frigid cold. Panic roared in her ears but she tried to force her mind to focus past the pain and cold. Her first move was to untangle their bodies, but he was panicked and his arms flew wildly about reaching for anything solid to hold onto. He yanked and pulled at Emily. His frantic movements continually pulled her under. She took in filthy mouthfuls of muddy water and choked and gagged. The cold started to cause her muscles to ache and cramp as she struggled to keep her head above water. She knew she had to free herself from him before he drowned her or the current swept them down stream to turbulent and deadly rapids.

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_Thank you for reading! I'd love reviews to know how the stories going for you!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you for reading! I so appreciate __the comments and follows. I hope I can round the story out in a few more chapters._

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Emily twisted to pry her body away from the man desperately trying to use her as his last effort to save himself. She threw her elbow back and met his jaw. In shock and pain he released her briefly. She had not made it far before she felt his grip on her leg. She kicked and bucked in pure survival. Landing her foot squarely in his sternum she finally felt his hold completely release. She used the push off to create more distance. Once she no longer felt his presence she forced her head above water. As she sucked in the much needed oxygen she tried to think and access the situation. She looked for how far land was. Rotating her head she saw a mountain of rocks identifying the landline. The severe winter storms had caused the already unstable walls that surrounded the river to release their hold and slide down. Piles of boulders that had rode the waves of mud now protruded from the water along the shoreline. There was no beach to collapse on when she made it there. It was merely the rocks and a wall of dirt that rose to the trees above.

Emily changed her direction and swam. She swam against the current, against the weight of her heavy boots, her soaked clothes, and the loaded down flack jacket that was meant to save her life. She knew if she tried to stop and remove any of the bulk she'd never make it out. So she swam. One stroke at a time, kick and pull. She kept reminding herself that it was only yards; she only had to make it a few yards. She felt like the water had turned to thick mud, and it took all she had to keep her head above the pull that wanted to take her under.

Making the distance she reached out and grabbed the edge of the closest boulder and clung to the grainy surface to gain strength. The water was still running quickly past her and was trying to force her off and carry her away. She looked up and saw that there was no way to climb the face. She was exhausted and freezing, and would be unable to rock climb her way out. She needed to move in baby steps. She followed the wall of stones and saw where they trickled down to smaller more manageable obstacles. If she could get to the smaller ones and around them she knew they created a shield from the wild rush of the river to a calmer inlet. She could try and traverse along the cracks and separated rocks but if she lost her grip she'd only have one chance to regain any hold before the force of the water swept her away. She had no choice, her strength was waning and the cold was winning. She had to make a move. Slowly she reached out and took in a breath before she released her other hand. The water picked her up and she had no control of the speed, and in one last effort she threw her arms out. Her hands scraped across the wet stone as she scrambled to grip anything that could stop her. Finding a crevice between two rocks her hand stuck and she came to a halt. She clung to the lifesaver and worked on regaining herself again. The layer of rocks created a stair like effect that rose up. From her vantage point it felt like miles to the top, but all Emily thought at that moment was to just get out of the water. With a last stich of power she pulled her waterlogged body out of the frigid water.

The wet cold made Emily dizzy. Inky black dots floated in front of her. She couldn't focus, but she just needed to keep moving, to keep climbing up. She crawled forward inching along. Crawling only got her so far; she had to rise and climb to advance higher. She rose on shaky legs and took tentative steps unsure of her own footing. When she made positive progress she felt her confidence grow. Emily looked at her terrain and back to where she had been and realized she had not gone more than ten feet from the swirling and splashing water. She turned back and fought the light-headedness to take another step. Her legs gave out as her boot slipped on the mossy wet rock and she fell heavily. The inky spots formed into one giant explosion in her brain as her head collided with a jagged edge.

She rolled back down and the instant freeze of being submerged into the water brought Emily back immediately. She reached up for anything to stop her as she expected to be pulled downstream again, but realized she wasn't back in the moving river but the sheltered pool. There was a small feeling of relief that faded as she realized she had to climb back out. The boulders felt like a mountain of wet slippery impossibility, but she couldn't stay in the water. Her body was wracked with tremors and her head throbbed. The only warmth she felt was from the trickle of blood that ran down the side of her face from the gash on her forehead.

Emily had to intensely concentrate in order to focus on anything other than her bodies torment. She repeated her move to climb out of the water, and once she was successfully out her body began its revolt against her mind. She can see where to climb, but was too overcome with exhaustion and pain. Unable to continue she rolled to her back and stared up to the now cloud covered sky. She tried to visualize her next move and prepare for the struggle it would be. Large raindrops started to hit her face but she only fluttered her eyes to the assault. Her face and body were so numb that the warm drops couldn't penetrate through. She closed her eyes. She tried to convince herself that a short rest was all she needed to regain the strength to pull herself from her predicament.

* * *

Derek passed the two other agents as his focus centered on Emily in the distance. In one instant she was moving forward and the next she vanished. He felt his heart stop but he didn't allow his legs to quit. He drew up quickly as the ledge revealed itself without notice. He frantically searched the water, but there was nothing except the angrily flowing river.

"There, there she is." Reid called between catching his breath. Derek followed his hand as he pointed to two bobbing forms that were swiftly moving away. Derek didn't hesitate to follow the edge. He moved but kept his eyes on Emily. He could see the battle she was fighting with the man to stay above water. Every time her head vanished below the surface the time it took to reemerge became longer and his panic to get to her increased.

He had no real clue how he was going to be able to help her, but if he could get in front of her maybe he had a chance. Suddenly the path veered away from the edge and there was no safe way to travel and keep sight of Emily. He had no choice but to follow the trail, so he pick up his pace until he once again could emerge and see the river.

He tried to ignore the thoughts that overcame his mind. That their luck had run out. That fate had meant to take Emily from them all along. The last memory he would have now would be her frustration with his over protective nature. He realized he hadn't told her enough how happy he was that she was alive. The pain was so fresh that they were still wading through the unease of it all. But, at the core he felt more overwhelming joy that now when he thought of her it was not a gut wrenching reality that he had failed to get to her soon enough. Now not having sight of her he felt the same helpless feelings that his efforts were futile. When he finally came to an opening where he could get to the rim and see the river he anxiously searched past the boulders to the white caps, but there was nothing. He felt his stomach in his throat; she was gone; swallowed by nature's monster.

He began to move further along unsure what to do or where to go. Then he saw her. At the bottom of the pile was Emily sprawled out on a rock. Relief washed over him that she had made it out, but her movements were minimal and his fear was back.

"I've got her." He called into his COM, "we need medics and possibly search and rescue for extraction."

He gave his location and he heard Hotch responding, but he was no longer listening to the Unit Chief. He was figuring his way to get down to her. There was no safe route to go about it, but his concern overwhelmed his need to be safe. He just went. He slid down and leapt across the rock faces to maneuver downward. He called to her as he moved, but she didn't respond back beyond a slight movement of her legs or arms.

When he was a few feet from her he slowed down and took in a breath before he dropped to his knees.

"Emily?"

Her body was wracked with tremors, and her eyes opened and closed in an effort to remain conscious. Her once porcelain white skin was now various shades of reds purples and blues. Blood covered one side of her face, matting her hair and staining her cheek. It dripped into a small puddle that mixed with the mud and water. Derek pulled off his windbreaker and wrapped it around her. She opened her eyes as he covered her and she searched above to focus on him. He reached out and touched her hand. She acknowledged his presence with a scrunching of her brow and a slight part of her lips.

"Derek." She wheezed out.

"Yeah, I'm right here."

"Good." She said and closed her eyes again.

"Hey." He said squeezing her hand to get her attention. "What the hell are you doing to me?"

Her eyes lazily opened and shook her head slightly. She spoke but in a whisper and her words came out choppy from her chattering teeth. "Just thought I'd go for an early morning swim."

"I know a better place for that."

"Hmm." Was all she said before she returned to her semi-conscious state.

"Keep talking to me, Prentiss."

Derek didn't want her to fully drift off. He had no clue to her injuries beside the gash on her forehead and if she was in early stages of hypothermia. "We're going to get you out of here soon."

He looked up to see if any one had made it to their location, but there was no movement above them.

His focus came back to her when she tried to sit up. "No backboard." She forced out. Her eyes were wide and scared.

"Shh." He tried to soothe and gestured for her to lie back down. "That may be the only way to get you out."

"No." Her voice was quiet, but begging. "I-I can climb, I just need to rest for a minute."

"Emily." Derek said shaking his head. She was in no state to do anything but lay as still as possible. There was no way he'd allow her to risk anymore climbing up the slick rocks. He still couldn't believe he made it down without an injury.

"Please, Derek."

Derek saw the need in her eyes, to not be the victim, to overcome this on her terms.

"Okay," Derek said giving her hand a squeeze. "We do it your way, but just rest for a minute longer."

Emily nodded and closed her eyes.

* * *

Emily felt the rain stop but she was moving. Climbing the rocks was easier than her visions made it. She felt and heard Derek behind her. There were other encouraging voices but she saw no one else around. Emily put all of her focus to making it to the top, she almost felt like she was floating over the rocks. She could see the team waiting for her to give her the last pull to safety. Once to the top Hotch extended his hand and with a strong grip brought her off the ledge and onto the solid forest floor.

A blanket cocooned her in warmth, but that barely seemed to crack the shell of ice that surrounded her. She wanted to sleep. Everything came in clips. The treetops above her, the back of the ambulance, JJ's concerned eyes, her words, but the rocking of the rig lulled her back to sleep.

* * *

Emily felt the warmth slowly seep through her. It started at her core and gradually spread outward. When the shaking finally stopped she found herself in a deep dreamless sleep. When she resurfaced it took a few puzzled minutes to realize she was in a hospital room. The fog slowly lifted to why she would be in such a place. As she stared to blank space in front of her the fragments of what happened began to piece back together. Chasing the UnSub, the fall, the water, and the rocks. She closed her eyes to the fatigue that still overwhelmed her body. When she opened them again her attention went to the large form taking up the doorframe of the room.

Slowly Derek entered not taking his worried eyes from her. She tried to sit up but her body sent out severe messages of pain that radiated through every part of her. She gave in and let the bed take her weight again.

He rushed to her side when he saw the pain wash across her face from the attempt to move. "Whoa whoa, just relax."

"Right," She said and looked to him curiously.

He slowly lowered into a chair and leaned his elbows onto the bed and stared at her with examining eyes. Then he smiled. "I'm beginning to think you're a super hero."

She chuckled softly. "Apparently flying isn't one of my powers."

He shook his head in amusement, but she spoke up before he could make another quip. "Julie?"

"Safe and back with her family."

"Good."

The two sat in silence for a moment and the stillness began to pull Emily back to sleep.

Derek touched her hand briefly to regain her attention. She turned her head to face him. "I wanted to come in and see you. Everyone is anxious to come by and will be in a bit, so just rest."

"Ok," She said but before he could leave she circled her hand around his wrist. "Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't climb out of there, did I?"

He looked for a long moment contemplating his answer. She could see the lie he wanted to tell. To let her think she hadn't needed to be rescued. That she had been pinned down to a hard board with a C-spine collar holding her in place as the rescue team used ropes to raise her to safety. She was back in place of weakness and vulnerability. One circumstance he knew she never wanted to be in again. His eyes grew sincere to hide his own pain and he slowly shook his head.

Emily nodded and closed her eyes, but it was not to sleep. She wanted to disappear and hide from the truth.

* * *

JJ walked swiftly down the hall, her heels clicking on the buffed floor. The hospital floor was quiet. The only sound that filled the air was the machines beeping from various rooms and the low chatter of the nurses and doctors. When she reached her destination JJ peered into the room and to the brunette who was staring off into the distance. She rapped lightly on the door to announce her presence. Emily looked to her visitor and smiled.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself." JJ said smiling back to her friend. She couldn't help but see her pale death like complexion as they loaded her into the ambulance. Memories of the hospital after Doyle made the two-hour wait for information excruciating. She had to keep reminding herself that it was different. Emily was going to be okay. She had been knocked around a bit but nothing life threatening since Derek had found her when he did. Her face looked worse for ware but she was thankful that her injuries were minor, and they were able to treat her before hypothermia could set in.

Emily's eyes followed JJ as she pulled the chair that was pressed up against the wall and brought it close to the bed. Her eyes were tired and JJ could tell she was fighting the weakness she felt.

As she sat down JJ reached out and pulled Emily's hand into hers. She was careful to mind the IV and and pulse OX attached to her index finger.

"How're you feeling?"

"Tired, but ready to get out of here. No one seems to want to tell me when that will be."

"The doctor just wants to monitor your concussion closely. I think he's going to come in a few hours to do a final evaluation. Hopefully by tomorrow."

"What day is it?" Emily asked as she tried to figure out the time she had lost.

"Saturday."

A look of shock crossed her face but quickly changed to disappointment. She shook her head. "Of course it is."

"Why does the day matter?"

"No reason." Emily said looking away. It became clear that there was something more bothering her than when she could leave the hospital.

"You okay?"

Emily looked back to JJ. Pain flooded her eyes as her head swayed in a simple no.

"You can talk to me, Em." She said carefully, unsure what lay ahead. Her mind swarmed at all the things that she had the right to be upset about. She wanted more than ever for her walls to come down and let her in again, to try and help her through her pain. At that point she wasn't sure of anything and all she could do was wait for a response.

"I know, its' just-" But she stopped and looked up as if to find the strength she needed to speak.

"It's just?" JJ encouraged.

"I don't know. I just feel that if there's some cosmic force trying to keep me from doing something it doesn't have to throw me over cliff to stop me."

JJ looked at her in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Just as Emily began to answer a nurse shuffled in to announce that the doctor was on his way in. JJ looked from the woman and back to Emily and in that second her walls had risen and sealed. Her eyes blocked her emotions and she sat in false strength.

JJ knew it was not a moment to pry, but the comment was a riddle she was determined to figure out. One she needed to so she could help her friend.

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_If you get a chance, please review! It's very much appreciated! Thank you for stopping by!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Almost done! Thank you for hanging in! The reviews and follows are __encouraging! I truly appreciate it!_

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The morning sun filtered through the half slit blinds of the hospital room. It created streams of warm yellow light across Emily's bed, but she didn't notice. She was lost in her own deep mental debate. She fought what was right and what would be easy. She could pretend to play that cold hearted person that just walked away from people without explanation or care. The problem was she wasn't that person, and the guilt of it would tear at her. It already had. Alone in Paris she had no place to hide from her own mind. The only peace she could find was that the ones she loved thought she was dead and could slowly heal through time. She tried not to torture herself with fantasies of what it would be like if she did have a chance to reunite without the pain and grief that was sure to be present. When the news of Declan came to her she had been thrust forward and had no time to think. She could only act and deal with everyone after she made sure he was once again safe.

They were all professionals and the work would not suffer, but at some point they could not ignore how much they were personally attached to each other, and their professional and personal feelings became a jumbled muddy mess. It was not something that could just be swept under the rug and forgotten. It had to be dealt with. She knew that each person she encountered would have a unique response to tackle and she turned all she had to help him or her through it. She would work on their pace, and be patient with reactions, comments and attitudes.

With her main focus had been on those closest to her it had not occurred to her how to even approach someone beyond the ones she clung to and called family.

She wanted to see the recent events as a sign that she shouldn't see Kate. It would just open more wounds that she couldn't heal. Her shields to protect herself were damaged almost beyond repair and it took all her mental fortitude to keep them up. She also knew that through pain was healing. She just had to pull her courage and face this obstacle and at the very least give Kate some peace of mind.

Emily threw the blanket off and swung her legs around to sit on the edge of the bed. She stared briefly at the room phone before she picked up the receiver and dialed. She rapped her fingers nervously on her leg as she waited for the expected cheerful greeting.

"_I'm only answering this call because someone I love dearly is at this hospital. __As long as it's not bad news_ announce yourself, otherwise hang up now."

"Pen, it's Emily."

"_OH!"_ Garcia exclaimed then grew silent for a moment. With a clearing of her throat she released all she had pent up. _"Before I shower you with all my love sparkles I want you to know that if you had been awake when I came by it would have taken everything in me not to strangle you. You are not allowed to get hurt! You have reached your quota of near death experiences. No more! Is that understood?"_

Emily couldn't help but smile. The woman knew how to lighten a situation even when she was trying to scold.

"I'll do my best." Emily promised.

"_So what are you doing?" _

"Just ready to get out of here. Are you around any of your computers?"

"_Wow! My dear Emily how bad was that concussion?"_

"Cute, could I bother you to find a number for me?"

"_But of course. What's the name?"_

"Katherine Hall."

"_Got it. Is this anyone I know?"_

"No." Emily answered in short. She was not prepared to go into details. Though she highly doubted it, she hoped Penelope would keep her search within the simple guideline of getting only her number.

As Emily listened to the clicking of the keys she picked nervously at her thumbnail. It had been a while since she had found herself resorting to the habit and quickly stopped the action when Garcia's voice came back on.

"_Katherine Hall, 2055 East Spruce Way?"_

"That's her."

"_Are you sure I don't know her?"_

"No."

"_She looks oddly familiar."_

"Garcia, the number."

"_Oh, right. Do you want me to just send the information to your phone?"_

"I actually have no clue where my phone is." Emily answered looking around as if she would see it lying around somewhere.

"_Oh right, hmm."_

"I can write it down the old fashioned way if you want to read it off to me." Emily said trying to keep her impatience at bay.

"_Oh, yes, genius."_

Emily realized she had nothing to write the number down and quickly opened the drawer of the small side table hoping something was in it. To her relief she found a hospital labeled notepad and pen. She uncapped the pen and then hastily jotted down the number Garcia was rattling off.

After thanking the Analyst and promising a dinner later that week Emily looked at the combination of numbers. She was not surprised they weren't the same as she remembered. She tore the sheet off the pad and replaced it and the pen how she had found them. After closing the drawer she folded the piece of paper. With it cupped it in her hand she slid back onto the bed and laid against the pillows with a heavy sigh.

"Everything okay?" A soft voice asked from the doorway.

Emily turned her head to see JJ standing in the frame. She held Emily's bag in hand and had her head tilted in concern.

"Yeah." Emily lied.

It didn't get past the blonde but she didn't press. She just quietly approached.

"How are you feeling today?" She asked as she scanned Emily's scratched and bruised face and arms.

"Like my body was thrown through the rinse cycle with a million stones."

"Sounds about right." JJ acknowledged. "Are you ready to be sprung from this place?"

"More than you know." Emily answered and pushed her arms against the mattress to sit up straighter then spun her body again so that she could get out of the bed.

JJ set the bag at the foot and smiled warmly to the brunette. "Get changed and I'll run us quickly through the discharge routine so we can get you home."

Emily pushed off and tentatively tested her legs. Once she knew they would hold her weight she took the few steps to where JJ stood. Before she could release the handle of the bag Emily had her hand in hers.

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

JJ returned the pressure that Emily gave and looked at her friend, but didn't say a word. Her response was clear in her eyes.

"Get dressed. I'll be back."

Emily watched her leave and her eyes lingered on the last spot she occupied before she had disappeared from view. A sudden memory hit her. She was propelled back to that helpless place after she woke alone in the unfamiliar room. Now she stood with the swirl of emotions that had consumed her while she had watched JJ disappear from the doorway of her hospital room after telling her of the plan to save her life. She had wanted to protest, to find another way. She was too physically weak and mentally drained to do more than nod to the information, but the emotional torment had just begun.

JJ had been there through it all, each day as she slowly recovered. Sitting in her room, holding her hand, giving words of encouragement. But, refused to answer her questions about the well being of Derek, Spencer, Aaron, Dave, or Penelope. She was dead to them, what could she say? She didn't want to relay the gut wrenching pain she was witnessing on the outside and the lie she had to hold close to her vest. A lie that Emily's actions had put upon her. No matter how much JJ reassured her that she knew how necessary it was; she could not imagine the overwhelming need to ease the pain of everyone. To let them in on what had to be done.

She swallowed the memory and pain and unzipped the bag to pull the clothes from it. Her thoughts drifted to Kate. That predicament felt like a different beast entirely. She couldn't disclose what really happened, and really didn't want to. It would do nothing but create more confusion, but she owed her something at least.

With her mind so occupied she had not realized the whirlwind process for leaving the hospital. Emily came back when the doors opened and she was greeted with a gentle breeze of the fresh spring air. She thanked the young transporter for wheeling her out to JJ and her waiting car. She was too tired to protest walking and allowed the rules of the hospital to be obeyed. JJ got out and hurried around to open the passenger door for her.

Emily slowly lowered her aching body into the seat and leaned back. The minimal exertion was still enough to tire her and she closed her eyes. The silence in the car and the warm sun that came through had lulled Emily into a light sleep. Before she knew it they were pulling up to her apartment. She slowly opened her eyes and squinted at the sun that now glared through the windshield.

JJ helped Emily out and kept the pace at the brunette's discretion. She would have personally liked to have moved faster, but her muscles still were making her pay for the jaunt in the icy river. Carefully they climbed the stairs. Making it to her apartment JJ inserted the key and pushed the door open allowing access for Emily to enter. Emily shuffled around to the living room and eased herself onto the couch. She was not surprised that JJ followed and took the space next to her.

Emily turned her head and spoke before JJ could release the barrage of questions she knew she had.

"So, how pissed is Hotch?"

"He's not pissed. He's more like a mother that yells at their child when they get hurt because they're scared."

"Hotch yelled? I'm not sure I'd like to see that." She said twisting her face at the image.

"No he didn't yell, but you know what I mean. That could have been anyone of us. Everyone's just relieved the outcome was what it was."

"Yeah."

JJ adjusted her position and reached out taking Emily's hand. Emily didn't fight her but didn't return the touch at first. She felt hesitant to what she would say or do next.

"You know you can always talk to me. About anything."

"I know, JJ." Emily said with a shake of her head. "But there's really nothing to talk about."

"I think there is. I haven't seen you that upset in a while, and I have no doubt that the last few days were not helpful with taking steps forward."

"It'll all be fine."

"Who is she?"

Emily wasn't expecting her to be so blunt, but she was really leaving her with no choice. JJ had made it clear she was going to be there for her and right then she wasn't going to back down until she gave her something.

"Just someone I thought I had left in my past life." She finally admitted.

"So, it was a shock for her to see you. That's not something you can be prepared for."

"I guess." Emily shrugged. "I don't think it matters now. I was suppose to meet her on Friday, but we saw how that turned out."

"She knows your job and what that entails, she'll understand." JJ reassured.

"Actually, no not really."

"What do you mean?"

Emily swallowed and looked away. She had to steel herself to prepare for the words she was about to release. "She knew I was a Federal Agent, but that was it. Just like all I really knew was she was an elementary school teacher. Weeks could go by before we saw each other or spoke, but neither of us cared. It worked I guess."

"Then what's the real issue?"

Emily looked back to the blonde in shock.

"Look Em, I'm doing my best here not to be a profiler. Give me something."

"No."

"No?" JJ was the one that now responded in disbelief.

"No. Please, profile away."

"Okay." JJ sat up straighter and looked into Emily's waiting eyes. "You're upset because she may have been more invested than you were. You cut ties and was content with the fact the most she would be was angry with you for just dropping her. Now knowing she had to face your death was something you didn't think she would ever really have to deal with and now it's something you have to face too."

Emily nodded slightly and sighed. She wanted to pull away and end the conversation, but she had opened the door for JJ to give her take and it was clear she wasn't leaving until she made her point.

"She was going to be hurt no matter how much you tried to protect her from it, and Emily that's not your fault. You didn't make the choice. You couldn't, it was made for you."

"I know."

JJ released Emily's hand but moved her arm around her shoulder and drew Emily into her. This time the brunette returned the embrace. JJ held her tight and then turned her head in the direction of Emily's and spoke again.

"Don't take all of the guilt on yourself. We both have to let it go because the greater good has prevailed and you're here with us."

A small shudder ran through Emily's body to her words. She was right, as hard as it was to accept it was what needed to happen.

Emily pulled back slightly and looked into the blue eyes in front of her. Tears had pooled and when they met Emily's they overran and began to roll down the blonde's cheeks. Emily raised her hand and caught a tear on her finger before she wiped it away. JJ pulled back and let her head fall away.

"You make it really hard to be tough all the time."

"You don't have to be tough, JJ."

"This coming from the pot." She chuckled softly.

JJ wiped the last tear away and the two sat in silence. The quiet that enveloped them wasn't strained or uncomfortable. It was a sign of progress and the settling of the much-needed words between the two of them.

"I'll let myself out so you can rest." JJ said rising from the couch. "But call me if you need anything at all."

"I will, and thank you."

"You're welcome."

JJ began to move to leave when she perked up suddenly and lifted her purse. She dug through it and revealed Emily's cell phone.

"I almost forgot."

Emily took it from her hand and smiled.

JJ returned the gesture and pointed to the small device. "Make the call."

Emily nodded and watched her friend take her leave. When she heard the door seal shut she released the breath she was holding and fell back into the cushions behind her.

Before she could change her mind Emily pulled the folded piece of paper from her pocket. She took in a shaky breath as she punched in the numbers. Even though a part of her had wanted to avoid the confrontation she had not wanted to miss meeting Kate on Friday. She had a legitimate excuse, but it all depended on Kate. If she believed her and was willing to try to meet again.

When the line picked up Emily felt her breath hitch and her mind go blank from anything she had to say.

"Hello?" Her voice said again, impatience hanging on the end.

"Kate." Emily forced out. "It's Emily."

"Emily?" Kate's voice sounded surprised and then rippled with sudden anger. "You better have a damn good reason for this call."

* * *

_Two steps forward one back? Hope I did Emily and JJ's conversation justice. I do plan on one more to help wrap everything up. Thank you for reading along and please don't forget to tell me what you think! Thank you!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you for checking this story out! The next installment is here. Thank you for the reviews and alerts. This was a tough chapter to write, I hope I did it justice._

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Derek hesitated at the door of Emily's apartment. He knew she wasn't one for surprise visits, especially one at her home. He couldn't deny that the recent scare had him rattled. He felt an overwhelming need to talk it out with her. He tried to be respectful to her time off, but knew when she arrived back at the BAU on Monday she'd be there to work not hash out his issues. He took the chance of her being angry with him, but he wasn't about to feel regret anymore.

Building his courage Derek knocked lightly on the door and waited. He could hear her shuffling around as she made her way to answer. When the chain was unlatched and the door swung inward he was shocked at what he saw. He had expected to be greeted by his partner in sweats and maybe an old college or FBI t-shirt. Instead she wore a form fitted dark red top that accentuated her skin tone and dark eyes, and a pair of dark stone washed designer jeans that hugged her hips and legs. She had light makeup on and her raven hair fell in thick soft waves around her shoulders. Although her eyes still looked tired and her bruising still visible, he hardly noticed the result of her battle in the river.

"Morgan?" She asked in surprise and slight discomfort.

"I'm sorry am I interrupting something?" He asked looking past her.

She looked at her watch and sighed quietly before she answered. "I was just getting ready to leave."

"Ooh, got a hot date?" He teased.

"No, not really. Just meeting a friend." She said and slowly shook her head releasing a noise that was a mixture of amusement and distress.

"Just meeting a friend? Looking like that?"

"Derek, what can I do for you?"

"Can I just steal a minute?"

Emily looked him over carefully and then moved back to offer him entrance into her apartment.

He smiled as he slid past her, but paused before he made it to the living room. He saw a bottle of wine next to her purse, phone and keys on the counter. The whole scene pointed to a date, but he wasn't about to push it. He wanted her to open up not shut down.

"I wanted to come by and see how you were. We haven't talked since the hospital."

"I'm good."

"You do look better."

"Right." She nodded and tilted her head in curiosity. "So what's up?"

Derek decided to just jump right in. He could tell she was antsy to be somewhere so he'd make the most of his time he had. "I had told you that I couldn't be mad at you because you're here."

"I remember." Emily said as her back straightened and her hands went to her pockets. A sign that her walls were creeping up.

Derek kept speaking hoping to hold them from sealing him off. "And it's true, I get it all, but I promised myself that I couldn't allow something bad to happen for me to express how I feel."

"I don't understand." Emily said shaking her head. "You have nothing to explain to me. I know."

"I don't think you do." Derek stepped closer. "I was so scared seeing you on those rocks. All I could think was that we were meant to lose you. That you coming back was a twisted joke and I had to watch you die again."

Emily swallowed hard and looked away. She could not fully conceal her pain. He didn't want her to be upset but it was inevitable. The torment that was caused she had taken on herself. She couldn't hide her guilt and did the only thing she could, apologize.

"I'm sorry."

"Look, I know it's my issue, but you have to help me out here."

"What do you want me to do?"

"We were in sync. We knew each other's movements before we would do them. I want to get back to that, I just don't know how."

Her hands came out of her pocket and extended one that gently brushed his forearm. "I don't either, Derek, but I'm willing to do what it takes. You know that."

"I know. I just wish you could've let me in, trust me."

He wasn't sure why he needed to hear it from her over and over again. He didn't want to fully admit that it was him not trusting himself. He had failed her, and never wanted to feel that way again. He had hoped talking to her would solve those issues.

"I do, and I know I broke our trust by not involving you and the team with Doyle. I couldn't risk it. You all meant too much to me, and I'm sorry that you ended up being dragged in anyway." She paused and held his gaze for a moment. Her eyes became more serious but were still swimming with emotion. "I may not say it, but I know you're there and have always been. We can't pretend it didn't happen, and we're all different because of it, but we can move forward."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"I do." Derek felt a release of relief with the words and felt the truth in them.

"Good." She looked him over before she moved in and pulled him into her. He was shocked at first to the contact but hugged her back. They held there for a minute, and when she stepped back she lightly smacked him on the arm. "Now get out of here before I'm late."

"Right, I don't want you to be late for your date, looking all sexy." He teased again.

"Bye, Derek." Emily laughed and guided her partner to the door.

"See you Monday?" He asked the slight smile still pulling at his lips.

"Monday." She confirmed.

* * *

Emily felt the nerves bundle in her stomach creating flutters of nausea as she turned down the street Kate lived on.

As she drove she tried to anticipate all the possible angles of conversation they would have. She knew Kate was no nonsense, but Emily wasn't sure how to lessen the blow of her death and resurrection. Her only logical conclusion was that she would leave Kate with as many answers as she could, and to hopefully sever ties and be free from the weight of the past.

Emily was normally early to everything, but Morgan's unexpected visit pushed her time frame and she was cutting it close. After she parked her reflection into the rear view mirror caught her eye. Morgan had said she looked better but she couldn't help but cringed at her appearance. The cut along her hairline wasn't as obvious without the bandages, but the staples weren't hard to miss. Her blackened eye still looked worse than it was and the clear exhaustion was still prominent in her features. No amount of makeup could cover it. She should have tried to postpone again, but it would have created more questions and there was the real possibility that the window of opportunity to mend their fence would be gone for good. Looking away in disgust she reached behind the passenger seat and grabbed the neck of the bottle of red wine she had tucked there for the drive.

Emily sucked in a breath for courage as she climbed out and closed the car door. She walked down the paved path that divided the simple grass lawn. The home was modest but not short on charm. Emily noted that there was a fresh layer of paint and a new assortment of potted plants that bordered the porch. Emily paused at the door and was about to knock when it opened.

"I heard the car door." Kate said widening the entrance.

The two stood in a brief silence as they studied each other. Kate leaned at slight angle, her body resting against the doorframe. Her left arm was extended out holding the barrier open. As she tilted her head her bangs cascaded across her left eye. Wisps of hair framed her face and it was shorter and more angular than Emily had remembered. She wore a cloud blue button up blouse that was still neatly tucked into dark navy slacks divided by a black belt accented with a simple silver buckle. Even though she was tall to begin with she wore heeled boots that made her almost an inch taller than Emily. With one hand still gripping the edge of the door she used the other to swipe the few strands of buttery blonde hair away from her eye.

Emily couldn't help but feel the rush of memories and feelings as she took in the woman in front of her.

"Well, you weren't kidding!" Kate said finally cutting the silence.

"It's nothing." Emily lied quickly to get the conversation off her battered appearance.

"Of course not, but you do look like an abused wife."

Emily held up the bottle of wine for the offering ignoring her remark. "You still like Cab, right?"

Kate took the gift and smiled examining the label. "Right now I love anything." She said and turned inward. She gestured for Emily to follow. "I must warn you I've already had about a bottle."

Emily signed and stepped over the threshold. As she followed the blonde towards the kitchen she looked around. The interior had taken on almost more of a dark mood. The walls were painted in a blue grey tone and accented with deep shades of red. New abstract paintings hung on the wall, and Emily wondered if it was her work. She knew Kate had minored in drawing and painting in college. She couldn't help but think they really lived in two different worlds. Rounding the bar Emily stood patiently watching Kate busy herself with a cheese platter she was building.

"Would you like a drink?" She asked without turning around.

"Sure."

"What'll it be?"

"Whatever you want to make." Emily answered in an attempt to keep it simple.

Kate nodded and placed a fork and cheese knife down and turned to extend the smooth board to Emily. On it was an array of cheeses, crackers, and an assortment of dried and fresh fruits.

"It's a beautiful evening let's go out back." She suggested and gestured behind Emily.

Emily smiled her agreement and gripped the cheese board before she moved to the French doors that were already open. A subtle breeze fluttered in slightly disturbing the light curtains that hung over from the doorframe. Emily parted her way through and knew exactly where to go, it was as familiar as it had been almost a year earlier. The rose bushes that surrounded the small deck were in full bloom; A brilliant cluster of reds pinks and whites. Emily noticed a new addition of a man-made pond, now a centerpiece to the yard. Rocks surrounded it and a small stream of water flowed gently down settling into the pond. The setting sun sparkled off the rippling water and in its entirety created a sense of serenity and calm. Just like everything else in Kate's home her garden wasn't extravagant but was still full of vibrant life.

Emily set the cheeses on the table next to two cushioned deck chairs and walked to the railing. She paused to take advantage of all the beauty that surrounded her. The clinking of ice as it gently tapped against a glass drew Emily's attention back towards the house. She saw Kate emerge holding two tumblers that Emily had no doubt contained of one of her many famous cocktails.

"I love it after a good rain." Kate said as she approached. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Everything is so brilliant and the air is so fresh."

Emily nodded and looked around the yard again, "You've put a lot of work in. It looks beautiful."

"I needed a distraction." She said handing Emily the drink.

There was no hint of an apology to soften her green eyes that were now as sharp as emeralds. Emily knew it was a cut at her and was sure it was one of many to come. She looked down and swirled the glass and watched the golden liquid change to amber as it picked up sunlight.

"Look, Emily, I'm not going to dance around this. I don't even know what the story is. I've never known what the story was. I just know what we were and want to understand our part."

"And what were we?" Emily asked looked back up to the blonde.

"Whatever you wanted. Casual and fun, serious and intense."

"That's not true." Emily protested.

"Oh, believe me, I was okay with it. Your air of mystery and intrigue had me from the beginning. I just never realized it could take you away so fast; that it was a real thing, a dangerous thing."

Emily felt the conflict of emotions in her. She recognized them. She had seen it far too often and felt it within herself.

"What can I do?"

Kate shrugged and took a sip of her drink. She stared out into the yard and contemplated her words. Emily patiently waited.

"Tell me, what was so bad that you had to fake your death?"

Emil drew in a breath. All of the events that lead to Doyle and to right then played like a fast-forwarded movie in her head. She couldn't give full details and really didn't want to.

"I guess the simplest explanation is that everything I did was to protect a boy that deserved a full and unhindered life."

"I don't understand. Like, you took a bullet for him?"

"No, I worked undercover to help take down a terrorist years ago. I took it upon myself to protect and save his son, but in order to do so no one could know about it. Especially his father."

"That sounds like a good movie plot. Are you're saying I dated a secret agent?" Kate chuckled, but turned her expression stern and controlled; still highly interested in what Emily was saying.

Emily knew she'd have her walls up. She was already hurt, and feared what it was Emily was going to tell her. She had been drinking and her way of handling it was with sarcasm and personal jabs.

Emily couldn't help but feel her own anger and sadness that had been so neatly tucked away rise up. "You want to get real, Kate?"

"Please." The blonde said tipping her drink towards her and spoke with sincerity. "I'm sorry."

"Okay, I have this reoccurring nightmare." Emily began, but looked away to draw in courage. She had never actually told anyone of the content of her nightmares and feared what it would sound like out loud. It was clear that Kate was trying to grasp the reality of what happened and Emily knew, as much as it scared her, she needed to be honest.

"I'm laying on the cold ground after being staked by a man that had sought retribution for my role in his arrest and presumed death of his son. My life is slowly draining from me and in those final moments one by one I look into the eyes of my teammates, the people that have been my true family for five years. I try to beg for their forgiveness and understanding but they can't hear me. Some cry, some just stare in disbelief and sadness, some shout in anger, but they all end up moving away from me, and then I'm alone. I die alone."

Kate didn't move. Her expression was uncertain as she truly tried to digest and understand her words.

Emily continued and attempted to keep her voice from shaking in her emotional upheaval. "Do you think it was easy for me to let all those I love think that I had truly died?" Emily spoke before she could answer. "It's an ugly world out there, Kate, and there is so much light and love in you. I didn't want you to be tainted by it."

"You really died? It wasn't all just pretend?"

Emily slowly nodded, and watched Kate begin to fully understand. Tears welled in her eyes as she stared in a mixture of sadness and pain. But it wasn't her own it was for Emily's.

"So why do you continue to do it? Why allow yourself to be swallowed by all the darkness?"

"I choose to hunt the evil because I can't wait for the good to prevail."

Kate set her glass on the railing and stepped closer. She looked Emily over. She reached out and her fingers gently ran over Emily's bruised cheekbone. Her hand continued down and traced along her jaw and stopped before she cupped her chin. Kate's gaze paused and lingered on her lips. Emily didn't move from the tug of emotions that were holding her hostage.

"There is good." Kate whispered. "You don't need to risk your life to prove it exists."

They both felt the energy change in the air as Kate leaned in closer. Time froze as she held her lips a breath away from the brunettes. Kate's eyes closed and the battle raged within Emily. Before the gap could fully be closed Emily pulled back.

Air shuddered from Kate's lung. She pressed her lips together and turned her face away closing her eyes briefly.

Emily reached up and circled her hand around her wrist but only to regain her attention. "Kate."

"What?" She asked still not looking her way.

"I wish it was that simple. I'm not that person you knew anymore."

Kate looked at her through thick tears. "Then forget all that was, we can have now."

Emily shook her head. "I can't."

She couldn't deny that the chemistry they had was intense, but she had too much to sort through. In that moment there was the realization that Kate was one person that couldn't fully understand that. Maybe one day she could be someone on the outside of it all to give a different perspective, but she'd never be able to grasp the magnitude of what she had truly gone through.

Kate did nothing for a moment. Emily studied her and tried without success to read what she'd do next. Finally her hand fully dropped away and she stepped back.

"Stay to finish your drink?" She asked, but more out of courtesy than desire for her to remain.

"I should go."

The blonde nodded and pressed her weight onto her forearms that now rested on the wood. Her head dipped down but she tilted it towards Emily. "If you ever get tired of the hunt, you know where to find me."

A small smile tugged at the corners of the brunette's mouth. "I know."

Emily remained in her spot for a moment longer then forced her feet to move. She paused briefly at the door and looked back, but Kate remained with her back turned. She lightly twirled the drink in her hand. Her eyes were glued to the motion as if to fight looking back at Emily.

Emily didn't stop until she made it to her car. She sat with her hands gripping the steering wheel. She stared at her knuckles turning white as they squeezed the molded plastic. She tried to convince herself that she had done the right thing. Revealing her pain made it clear she had not fully dealt with it, and was in no position to pull someone from the outside into it. She finally settled on that it was best for Kate. She glanced one last time to the house before she pulled out, her destination unclear. She didn't want to go home to be alone and continue to face her demons. So she drove and found herself outside the one place she knew there would be no judgment. She was finally going to take her friend up on her open door, anytime policy.

* * *

_So? These types of talks are hard to write. I hope I was able to stay in character. Please drop me a review to let me know what you think._


	6. Chapter 6

_So, here we are the last chapter. It has been a challenge to write and I hope it has been enjoyable to you the readers. I truly appreciate the support!_

_This isn't the end though. I do have a sequel in the works that will have quite a bit more suspense and of course more angst. _

* * *

Kate forced every ounce of focus she had to gripping the tumbler in her hand and not allow her protesting mind and body to turn and try to stop Emily. She kept her eyes on the twirling liquid within the glass. She controlled her mind to only see the amber liquid that would gleam in the fading light as it curled up along the edges and not to Emily's retreating form.

When she felt Emily's presence depart further into the house she let all of her weight fall to her forearms and allowed the railing to hold her up. She closed her eyes in defeat to the sound of the front door being sealed shut. She held her breath in anticipation for the car to roar to life signaling the failure of the night, but was shocked when it didn't right away. Had Emily changed her mind and was coming back? She listened intently for the click of the handle and whoosh of the door opening again. She imagined the brunettes approach, but the engine turning over swept the visual and any lingering hope from her mind.

Kate took a step back and lowered herself slowly into the soft cushion of her deck chair. She looked from the untouched cheeses and fruits to her drink in hand. She felt a sudden urge to throw the glass as hard as she could across the lawn. She refrained and instead gripped it tighter and released the heavy sigh that had been building up. To try and find a calm she looked to the last of the light that bounced its way through the leaves of the trees and bushes that bordered her fence line. She wanted to enjoy the beauty that was painted in front of her but as the sun sank further so did her heart. Not only at the lost opportunity, but more for what Emily had truly gone through.

She scolded herself for not trusting that Emily had a real reason behind what had happened. Kate had been so wrapped up in the betrayal and being put through unnecessary pain she had never actually thought of what Emily had endured. From the moment she saw her near the fountain over a week ago her runaway imagination created the worst possible scenarios. All of them somehow involved her being the top of Emily's cruel intentions. She was ashamed that she had not thought past herself and her feelings about it.

The truth of course was much more complicated and muddy. Kate had accepted that she'd probably never get the full story. She knew Emily to be anything but an open book, and in the beginning the intrigue and mystery had drawn her in. She never felt a need to know more than what Emily had allowed. It all felt different now and the fact Emily had shown up to give as much explanation as she could understand meant something. Emily hadn't done it for herself; she had done it for Kate. To try and explain something that truly was impossible to explain.

Kate couldn't fully wrap her head around the fact that Emily's deep seeded role in saving a boy's life led to such a twisted and horrific result. And more than anything it was a real thing. It all felt like a badly plotted movie, but it wasn't a movie at all. She could only imagine the tangled web that had been created. One lie always led to another, even when the intention was for good, in the end they always unravel to reveal the truth. The path to the truth for Emily led her down a dark and lonely one. Kate's heart ached at the thought.

She would have never known about her death or funeral if she hadn't run into her friend that worked in the same building as Emily. He was how they originally met, but his real connection to her was minimal, and he hadn't known many details. All she heard was that Emily had died and nothing else mattered.

She couldn't help but think how alone Emily must have felt and even feels now. She had felt the change in her that night. The totality of her strength and confidence was cracked and as much as Emily tried to shield it Kate could see the wounded person beneath.

It began to make sense to why Emily had pushed her away. She thought she was protecting her from the truth, or from really getting hurt. When in the end it cut even deeper. There was no right way to go about it, in that situation people were destined to get hurt.

Now alone in her thoughts Kate felt torn. Torn between dealing with her own angst and wanting to dig deeper to help Emily through her pain. That was if she would even allow it.

Kate took one last long swallow of her drink and rose. She grabbed the cheese board and snatched up Emily's untouched drink before she turned to go back inside. Maneuvering around the dining room table she stepped into the kitchen and carelessly tossed the glasses into the sink and let the board clatter onto the bar. Cheese and crackers scattered across the tile while grapes rolled off the wood and onto the floor disappearing under the fridge and along the floorboards. Kate ignored the mess. She stood gripping the edge of the bar unsure how to reconcile the multitude of emotions that were cycling through her.

She would give Emily the time and space she needed. She just hoped next time Emily would stay and finish her drink.

* * *

JJ sat on the back porch swing and sipped her tea slowly. The sun had gone down and the evening sky was giving way to the night. It was warm and inviting. She inhaled deeply taking in the spring air that was thick with blooming flowers. She wanted to enjoy the moment but couldn't ignore the unease she still felt. She was worried about Emily, and as much as her friend denied it she still felt buried. JJ could see that she never felt anything she did would ever make up for the deception of what happened with Doyle and the position that her and Hotch had been put in. JJ knew she could talk until she was blue in the face but until Emily accepted it, none of her words would do any good. She would just be there for her whenever she needed it.

She didn't want to admit how scared she was when they thought they had lost her again, and she knew that if it affected the team as much it had affected Emily. It opened the healing wounds and made everyone realize that it was going to be a long road of recovery.

Henry pressing up against the screen door and calling out to her pulled her from her musing. She smiled at her son who pressed his face further into the screen resulting his his nose to flatten and it distorted his features in a humorous gesture. She let out a laugh at his antics and stopped her swinging to greet him.

"What are you doing up?"

"It's story time." He said backing up so she could enter the house.

"I thought that was what you and Daddy were doing." She said peering into the dimly lit house.

"Nope." He responded simply and grabbed her hand to drag her to his room.

They walked slowly down the hall and when they turned to his room JJ smiled at the sight in front of her. Sprawled across the foot of the twin bed was Will. His legs dangled off and a soft snore emanated from him.

"I can see why you didn't get a story in." She whispered. "Go hop in bed."

As Henry obliged JJ leaned over and gently rubbed Will's shoulder. He slowly stirred and looked up to her with unfocused sleepy eyes. He smiled and stretched his neck.

"Sorry. I don't know why I'm so tired."

"It's been a long week."

Will slowly rose and kissed JJ lightly on the cheek. "Almost makes you question it all, huh?"

"Sometimes." She said softly.

"Guess it would be too much to ask. Don't want you to get bored with a normal life."

"Will." She warned.

He didn't respond and bent over Henry. "Good night, son." He whispered and planted a kiss before giving him a quick tickle. Henry reacted by laughing and thrashing dramatically around.

JJ watched with amusement but kept her face stern. "We're trying to calm him down for sleep, not rile him up."

"Yes, ma'am." Will said with an obnoxiously saluted and wink. As he took his leave he continued to stretch out his cramped muscles.

JJ sat down on the edge of the bed and watched him walk out. They really had been through so much, and the scare with Emily again had Will push that a less stressful life was maybe the best thing. But the thought of leaving the BAU felt wrong. Nothing would fill the void she had when she was not with the team. She final felt like she was back in the place she belonged.

"Story, mom?" Henry persisted with slight impatience.

"Right, Sweetie, sorry." She said patting his leg and pulled the blanket up before she settled in more.

She opened the book he had chosen and read each word with enthusiasm. She created character voices from each part receiving an entertained smile from her son. Before she had finished the book he had begun to drift off. Once the story was done she set the book on the nightstand and gently swiped his hair to the side and kissed him tenderly on the forehead. When he didn't react she carefully maneuvered her body to slide her arm out from beneath him. Before she could escape the bed his heavy lids shot open.

"Snuggle, Mom." He begged. His blue eyes suddenly became wide and pleading. Staring into them melted her heart, and it took more effort to resist. She looked at the small bed and knew how uncomfortable it was going to be, but she crammed herself between the wall and Henry before pulling him in close. He snuggled in tight and she hummed softly until his breath became even and he relaxed in her arms. She fought her own exhaustion but found herself unable to resist the pull to sleep. The next thing she realized was Will waking her.

"W-what time is it?" She asked trying to look at the spot on her wrist a watch usually occupied.

"Just after eight."

"Only eight? I felt like I was asleep forever."

"You looked so peaceful, I wouldn't have bothered you, but Emily's here."

"Is she okay?" She asked and worked her way out from beneath Henry.

"I can't tell. She's not the easiest read."

JJ rubbed her eyes and staggered to the door. "You could say that again."

She stepped out into the hall and padded down it back to the living room. Emily stood with her back turned and arms wrapped protectively around her waist.

"Em." JJ called out to the brunette.

Emily turned and her eyes scanned her appearance and quickly apologized. "Oh, JJ, I'm so sorry! I told Will not to bother you if you were busy," she paused then added, "or sleeping."

"No, it's okay." JJ said and subconsciously smoothed her hair to cover the fact she had been asleep. "I told you to come by anytime you needed."

Emily studied her briefly as if contemplating her visit. " I could come back another time."

JJ stepped forward shaking her head. "Oh, there is no way, because we both know there is not going to be another time."

Emily dipped her head to hide the grin that formed. She knew JJ was right.

Before she could respond JJ gestured towards the back. "Let's go outside. It's a beautiful night."

"Sure." Emily agreed and followed the blonde's lead to the back.

JJ settled onto the porch swing and Emily mirrored her by sitting on her right leg and letting her left dangle off the edge.

"So, what's up?"

"I'm not entirely sure." Emily answered.

JJ shrugged and took in a breath; the smell of spring hit her again. "We don't have to talk. We can just hang out for a bit."

"I went to Kate's tonight." Emily blurted out. A small laugh followed her own embarrassment for the uncharacteristic behavior. "For what, I'm not sure."

"You went to reconcile." JJ encouraged.

"Did I?"

"You didn't?" JJ asked in confusion.

"I had not reached out to her after I came back. Why now? Because she saw me?"

"I don't know the answer to that, only you do."

Emily picked at her nails and focused her eyes on the action. "I just felt set up for failure. I knew I couldn't take back any of the pain and betrayal she felt."

JJ watched her friend carefully before she spoke. "She means more to you then you led on in the hospital, doesn't she?"

Emily looked away and bit her bottom lip. She toed her boot at a shadow on the porch that the swing's slates created and caused them to sway slightly.

"Once upon a time, I guess." She answered quietly. "But we live in such different worlds. She's a school teacher that paints happy trees on the weekend."

"Happy trees? What are you channeling Bob Ross now?"

"Cute JJ," Emily said and looked up to the blonde; slight amusement danced in her eyes. "You know what I mean. We deal with horrible things, and my past isn't the brightest. I just don't see how I could ever truly be with someone and not be honest about it."

"And for that person to stick around." JJ finished.

Emily shrugged and looked over JJ's shoulder into the darkness beyond.

"Emily, you can't punish yourself forever."

"I didn't think I was." She countered.

"You don't think you deserve happiness. You work so hard to make sure everyone else is okay that you're getting lost."

"I'm just not ready for anything."

"I'm not talking about being in a committed relationship, or even a casual one. All I'm saying is you have to stop and figure out what you need and actually pursue it."

"I don't know." Emily shrugged.

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Looking backwards. What's done is done. Time will heal. You did what you had to do and Hotch and I did what we had to do to protect you. It's time we all learned to move forward. I know there will be bumps but there is no healing without opening the wound."

Emily stared curiously at her. "That sounded well thought out."

"Just the truth." JJ said tipping her shoulder forward.

"Easier said than done."

JJ grabbed Emily's fidgeting hands to fully gain her attention. "Just don't give up on it yet. That's all I'm saying."

"Maybe."

"Maybe's better than no."

* * *

The dew sparkled across the freshly mowed lawn. The smell of cut grass filled the air and the scent caused Emily to glance around her surroundings. She couldn't help but feel the quiet and calm of the environment. She looked to the freshly tilled dirt in front of her to the short grass around that was interrupted by evenly spaced plots and grave stones. As she took in her view she remembered her Great Aunt scolding her as a child for hoping headstones. _You must show respect to the dead. A cemetery is a place of not only remembrance but a place of peace. One must respect that as much as life. No one likes you banging on the door when they're trying to sleep._

Emily was so lost in the vacancy of the plot in front of her she had not heard the approaching footsteps.

"Ma'am?" The quiet voice asked curiously.

Emily turned to see the grounds keeper. He looked at the disturbed ground and missing head stone then back to Emily. His eyes settled on the single rose in her hand.

"Is there something I could help you with?"

"No, thank you. I'm just paying my respects."

The man shifted his feet and pointed to her grave. "Umm, you may be in the wrong spot. No one's in that plot."

Emily chucked slightly and nodded. "I know."

"You do?" He asked and scratched is baldhead. "Then there's no need to pay your respect. From what I hear she's alive. It was all a crazy mix up, like something you see in a movie."

Emily smiled at the older man. "You don't say?"

He straightened up a little further a sparkle in his eye lit at the chance to tell a story, but the flare cooled quickly. "You would be surprised at the stories I heard about that one. But I ain't one to pass along tales."

"How curious." Emily said turning back around, but tilted her head back when she felt that the man had not budged.

"Was there something else?"

"Just, I'm sorry. I'm just curious to why you're here if you know she's not?"

Emily shook her head. "I came to pay my respects to the person she was and the person I miss so I can accept the person she is now."

"Yes ma'am." He nodded his understanding and stepped back slightly. "We can't be hurrying grief."

Emily nodded in agreement. "No, you can't."

Emily had been no stranger to grief. Her own, seeing it so many times in victims, families of victims, and in the ones she loves. She knew that grief was individual. She walked the line carefully knowing that no one has the right to rush the healing from such an undertaking. No one gets to choose when other people should move on. It can't be controlled, hurried, or pushed aside, and when it needs to be dealt with it must be faced. That was what she was finally doing.

The man nodded to the empty plot. "Take as much time as you need."

Emily smiled but didn't respond. She went back to her focus of looking at her grave. Or more realistically a faux grave. She couldn't place a coffin in it, or accept that her loved ones thought she was held within. JJ was right; she had to move on. If she couldn't how could anyone else?

She bent down and placed the rose below her and then turned away with the intend of never looking back. There had been so much turmoil, but in that moment she finally felt a seed of peace take root.

* * *

_Thank you for reading! Please drop me a note to let me know your thoughts. _

_Here's a little tiny taste of the sequel…._

"Step away from her!" Emily shouted as she moved in. She couldn't fully see Kate, his body hid most of her, but what she did see was enough for the fear that had been building to peak and crest. She continued to fight the unruly thoughts that she was too late. She had to force her eyes and concentration back to the man that threatened to take Kate away.


End file.
